Not Your Ordinary Haunted House
by gummybear1620
Summary: Team 7 is given a 'mission': test-run a haunted house. Too bad Naruto's scared of ghosts! But little does Naruto know that this is all part of a bigger, eviler prank... A tiny bit of hauntedhouseness and somewhat of a parody.


**A/N: It's meeee again! I thank those who want to see me, and boo the ones that don't (does anyone not want to? O.o) Anyways, I don't really know the point of writing author notes except they're fun and give info about the story… It's also fun to gloat and or complain about the latest things going on in your life. Like, for instance, it's SUMMER! YIPPEE! At least for those of us still in normal school, we have the time off to relax and sleep and read and update and read and sleep…yup. ;) Andddd I won't take up too much of your time anymore, talking about pointless things.**

**Warnings: Not much, really, except I hope you're not afraid haunted houses like I am. Come to think of it, why did I write this then? I don't think it's that scary, though… Btw, this fic is set between that tiny time period in which Tsunade was here, and so was Sasuke. The good times. Sigh. And I wrote this fic cuz it just popped into my head. Dark Angel is still ongoing, too. (Der) **

**Disclaimer: I wish Naruto was real so I could steal 'em all X)**

* * *

><p><strong>Not Your Ordinary Haunted House<strong>

The day Naruto was so scared he almost _died_ was—of course—a sunny one.

It was like God was _trying _to spite him. But the thing was, Naruto didn't know that when he rolled out of bed at 8:00 A.M., smacked his head on the wooden floor, and cried painfully, "Shut the knocking already!"

An answering yell: "Then haul your butt outta bed and out here!" Huh. Sakura sounded kinda mad. Naruto wondered how long she'd been standing there, exactly. He hoped it wasn't longer than… "I've been out here for thirty-five freaking minutes, and I'm still counting! By the time you get down to the Hokage's office, you're going to have at least thirty-five bruises. Oh! Look, another minute just passed." Naruto gulped before untangling himself and pulling on clothes.

"I'm coming Sakura-chan!" He paused, then added, "You didn't really mean the, uh, punching threat, didja?" She didn't reply. "Sakuraaaa-chan? Didja, didja?"

Finally, she shouted, "I didn't say I was only going to punch you!"

_Eep! _Naruto's eyes widened and he hurriedly zipped up his jacket before tying his Leaf forehead-protector on sloppily. He rushed out to the living area and jammed on his shoes while pulling open the door. "I'm sorry! Please don't hit me!" Sakura responded by slamming a fist into his cheek. "Ow! I said please, didn't I?"

By the time they reached the Hokage tower, Naruto's _face_ wasn't swollen except for a bruised cheek, but his arms had plenty of purple-black areas. "Sakura-chan," he whined. "That really hurt, you know!" She gave a scornful look in reply. The reason she hadn't punched him in the face anymore was because 'she didn't want to get in trouble with Tsunade-sama'. As if punching him in the arms were any better! He set his face in a pout. Sakura smacked him on the back of his head again. "What was that for _now_?" Naruto complained.

"Shut it," Sakura growled, tugging his ear to get him to follow her into the tall red building. "I don't need your puppy dog faces. Besides, you can just make Tsunade fix you up, can't you?"

Naruto's eyes brightened momentarily, distracted from the pain. "You think I have a puppy dog face, Sakura-chan?"

"No."

"But—"

"It was just an _expression_, Naruto. You're such an idiot sometimes! Baka!" She sighed, still pulling Naruto by his ear. "I am so making Kakashi-sensei do this next time. He needs to do some actual _stuff _for his team for once, after all his teamwork talk. And well, I shouldn't make Sasuke-kun do it, but definitely Kakashi-sensei! Lazy, irresponsible, always reading his inappropriate books…" she muttered, only letting go of Naruto's poor red ear when they reached the Hokage's office. He made a little whimpering noise and rubbed his ear pitifully. Naruto didn't talk though, in case he invoked Sakura's wrath again.

She pushed open the door and marched into the large room. "I've brought him, Hokage-sama!" Naruto looked up to see the Fifth Hokage quickly stowing a suspicious bottle under her desk.

"Haruno! I, uh, didn't expect you to return so quickly! How'd you get Naruto up, anyway?" she asked, a little too fast. Naruto felt a grin spread across his face before running up to Konoha's leader, getting right up in her face.

"I knew it!" he shouted, pointing a finger at her nose before Sakura could stop him. "You're _drunk!_"

"Brat! What? No! Of course I'm not drunk!" Tsunade snapped, grabbing his yellow head of hair and shaking it, ignoring the constant flow of _"OW, Tsunade-baa-chan!"_ and_ "I already got abused by Sakura-chan! Not you too!" _"You don't say stuff like that to your superiors! And I am by _far _your superior!" Sakura pulled Naruto back swiftly, pretending not to see the light flush of the Hokage's cheeks, and the slightly glazed look in her eyes. _Why is our Hokage a drunk? _she wondered, before punching Naruto in the head.

Naruto moaned, reached up to soothe his poor abused head. "Why me? Why today?" Suddenly, a grinning face poofed into existence right in front of Naruto's eyes. He shrieked, instinctively skittering back a few steps. The upside-down U (there's really no way to describe it otherwise) shape of Kakashi's eye relaxed, and he frowned slightly.

"You're sure jumpy today, Naruto."

"Well, see, it's cause Sakura-chan and Tsunade-baa-chan kept hitting me! First Sakura p—" Naruto abruptly cut off, courtesy of being on the receiving end of a vicious, unseen-by-Kakashi pinch. He yelped and turned to look pleadingly at Sakura, who had a 'you tell, you die' look in her eyes. "Sakura, er, played, er, ninja racing with me, and then I tripped, and then I got a ton of bruises, and then we came in here and Tsunade had a b—" He was cut off again when he saw the Hokage's face behind Kakashi. And let me tell ya, her face was a thousand times creepier than Sakura's.

"Buh?" Kakashi asked expectantly, hands in his pants pockets. Secretly, Kakashi found this day so far very amusing.

In fact, based on the way Naruto was acting now, he had an assumption the whole day would be very amusing.

At least, to Kakashi.

Maybe not Naruto.

Oh well.

"Buuuhhh—button loose! So we helped her fix it." Naruto was flushed now and grinning crazily. "So where's Sasuke?" he asked in a very unsubtle subject change.

"Right here, loser." Sasuke walked in slowly, taking his time, a smirk gracing his pale features. "You suck at making up lies. I hope you're not captured by the enemy one day. God help us all then."

Naruto reddened even more and yelled—predictably, "BASTARD!" Sasuke smirked some more (is that all he ever does? Tsunade speculated in the background of the noise, having sat back down in her chair). She let the rowdiness go on for a few more moments, watching the obvious friendship between the brat and the Uchiha. In fact, the whole scene kinda reminded her of her childhood with Orochimaru and Jiraiya…

She realized Team 7 was staring at her, Kakashi having even gone so far as to pull out his Icha Icha Paradise book. "Eh-hem," she coughed, leaning forward onto her desk. "Today, I have a mission for you. It's a relatively simple D-rank mission, and no, Naruto, before you throw a fit, you won't get another one. It's because, _brat_, I gave all the B-ranks and up to the higher shinobi, and we don't have that many C-ranks, so they're going to the Chunins." Naruto made a face before crossing his arms over his chest. Tsunade observed Sakura as a vein started to throb in the pink-haired girl's head. _She kinda reminds me of, well, me, _Tsunade thought, grinning to herself.

"Oi! Old hag, what's so funny?" Naruto pestered. "Ne, ne, are you going to tell us our mission? Then I can complete it and make Iruka-sensei treat me for raaaa-men!" Sasuke snorted and Sakura giggled a little under her breath. Kakashi was still reading her pervy teammate's pervy novel. It was a surprise Jiraiya had ever turned out anything as good as the Tales of the Gallant Sage. Not that she would admit that it was good. Great, her mind was wandering again... "TSUNADE-BAA-CHAN!"

She winced at Naruto's level of exuberance, so not suitable for this early in the morning. Maybe she should've called them in later, but then why waste time when she'd already gotten everything set up? A wicked smile spread across her lips, as thoughts about later today invaded her head. "Brat, you're not a chicken, right?"

"Huh?" Naruto stared at her.

"He's a chicken," Sasuke informed her. "He's scared of ghosts."

"Whaaa?" The blonde hyperactive ninja spun and glared at Sasuke. It had no effect, seeing how Sasuke was basically the King of Dark, Creepy, Spine-chilling Glares. "No, I'm not! I swear on it!"

"I'll take your word for it, then," Tsunade answered. Oh, thank _God _she'd had the idea to hold Kakashi's most recently released Icha Icha Paradise book hostage! Now he _had _to tell her about the mission after. The Hokage stood up, slamming her hands on the desk.

"Team 7! Your mission is to go and test-run a haunted house! Since you insist you're so not scared of ghosts and supernatural beings, then I take it you won't try and back out at all, right, Naruto?" She leveled an evil stare on the slightly shaking boy.

He hesitantly nodded.

"This is one of the scariest haunted houses to be run in Konoha, for Halloween! (1) It's been recently reconfigured to match with the latest creepiest genjutsus and the like. Still think you can take it on, Naruto?"

Naruto was quaking. Seriously. His face had paled after 'one of the scariest haunted houses'. "A-ahh…"

"How about _this_," Tsunade offered, feeling a tug of pity for the boy. "If you make it through, I'll treat you to all the ramen you can eat—for a whole week! But if you don't…" The wicked smile from before appeared again. "Then you're going to be signing and stamping _all these papers _in here!"

The blonde woman spread her arms out to either side, watching Naruto take in the towering stacks of paper everywhere.

He paled even more.

"I heard that was your Nindo, wasn't it? Never go back on your word?" Tsunade sighed, shuffling some papers on her desk. "I guess we'll _have _to give this mission to another team then… and the owner of the house was willing to pay so much for a simple D-rank! Think, Naruto, if you really can't complete this, can you ever carry out the more gruesome missions in the future? You can't become Hokage like this!"

Kakashi rolled his one visible eye, book still clenched in his fingers. He wanted to say, "Naruto, just say yes already" but that might blow his cover…

"Quit being such a scaredy-cat!" Sasuke hissed.

Naruto jumped. "Me! I'm not the scaredy-cat! Old hag!" He pointed a finger dramatically at Tsunade. "Fine! I swear on all the ramen in the world that I'll complete this mission! And when I do, I'll come in and watch you struggle through your gigantic stacks of paper!" Tsunade had mixed feelings about this reaction- She didn't know whether to feel insulted or pleased.

Sakura had no trouble choosing insulted. "Do you have no manners at all? Don't talk to Hokage-sama like that!"

"Ow, Sakura-chaaaan!"

* * *

><p>A little while later, Naruto found himself staring determinedly at a humongous mansion, before doing a double take. "Huh? Are you sure this is the right place, Kakashi-sensei?"<p>

The gray-haired teacher was standing, slouched, next to Sasuke. "Yup. It's a big haunted house, Naruto. What'd you expect? Something as tiny as your apartment?" Naruto couldn't exactly pinpoint if he was being sarcastic or not, and decided the better bet was yes. So he didn't tell Kakashi that he actually _had _been expecting something like his apartment.

"Nooo…"

Sakura grinned. She couldn't wait to see Naruto's reaction! "Come on, guys, let's go in!"

Naruto was forcibly hauled along the cobblestone path and past the large double doors guarding the mansion. From what he'd seen while being dragged along of the outside, it didn't _seem_ very much like a haunted mansion. Carefully sculptured bushes, garden paths paved by roses… It was more similar to a rich person's home.

"Hey!" Naruto called after he stumbled upright again. "Where's Kakashi-sensei?" Sure enough, his teacher wasn't with the three of them.

"He stayed behind to talk with the owner of the house," Sasuke said, hands stuffed into pockets. His friend looked normal, and if Naruto hadn't been a mix of excited and nervousness, he might've noticed that on Sasuke's lips was a tiny smile—of evil, but a smile nonetheless. And Sasuke _never _smiled.

"No fair! So we have to go through this gigantic thing, _alone_, and Kakashi-sensei just stands there?" he whined.

"Trust me; we'll be having more fun than he is." Naruto shivered. Why did Sakura's voice sound so evil? "Now come on! Let's start walking."

The three gennin turned to survey the hall they were in. Nothing suspicious—in fact, light streamed in prettily from glass windows, and everything looked rich and furbished.

The ominous feeling in the house can from one lone black door standing along the farthest wall from them. Other than that one door, there was no way out. The windows had steel across them, and the door…

HAD DISAPPEARED!

Naruto screamed. "We're STUCK IN HERE!"

Sasuke and Sakura both winced, covering their ears. "Well, dobe—"

"Naruto—"

"WHAT DOES THE OWNER WANT WITH US?.! WHY WOULD HE LOCK US IN HERE? We're going to be _kidnapped!_" Naruto panicked.

Sasuke finally shut him up by punching him in the head, before shaking out his knuckles in pain. How did Sakura do that all the time? It _hurt! _At least the moron had shut up. "Kakashi-sensei's outside, remember? Nothing bad will happen to us. The door disappeared to make it all more real, Naruto."

"Jeez," Sakura sniffed, walking toward the lone door at the back, "If you react this way _now_, I don't know what you'll do when we actually start!" Sasuke grunted in agreement and followed Sakura, leaving Naruto to glance anxiously behind him and run ahead to join his teammates.

That was the last glimpse of natural light they had.

As soon as the black door slammed shut too, eerie green torches flamed into existence. Naruto's heartbeat, already thundering, picked up it's pace a little more. "This is a…normal haunted house, right? Just, walk through, done?" He was mildly ashamed to find that his voice had gone into a high squeak.

"No," Sasuke said slowly. "Weren't you listening at all, loser? This is like a maze. The only places scary things will ever happen is if you pick a dead end. If you go on the correct path, nothing will happen until the very end. Got it? This house's not your ordinary haunted house."

The blonde ninja gulped. "O-okay…"

"It's more straightforward though," Sakura explained, holding up a finger. "There are three choices every time. Pick the right one, next three. Get it?" Naruto nodded. _Okay, pull yourself together, Uzumaki! Do this for the ramen!_

"Let's go," he said firmly. For the ramen! He would _not _back down!

* * *

><p>"Whyyyyy?" Naruto wailed in frustration as he plopped to the ground, pulling at his hair. "Another dead end?" The ghost this time hadn't been as scary as the first dead end—then, the ghosts had been tangible and they could hear zombie noises as the earth rumbled. The three had ran after the earth started cracking.<p>

"Hey, Naruto, we'll go on ahead and check it out a little, okay?" Sakura asked, patting him. "Stay here. We'll come back for you."

Naruto nodded tearfully, not realizing that it probably wasn't a good idea for them to go off without him, but since Naruto was having emotional issues at the time, he didn't really care. "Come back soon, okay? This place is _scary!_"

Sasuke muttered to Sakura as they went off to the center hallway. "He's really freaked out."

"Yeah," she nodded. "It's hard not to burst out laughing at him whenever he screams though!" A few giggles escaped even now as she thought about Naruto's extremely girly screams. "I'm glad sensei had this idea. The dead-ends aren't even that scary; trust Naruto to make more of a deal from them than it actually is." Sakura snorted, shaking her head. Her pink hair glowed slightly in the castoff of the green light.

Sasuke nodded, hands in pockets once more. The torches were placed just far apart enough to have dark spaces in-between, and the carpet was lush under their feet—but there were a lot of suspiciously dark, stiff places on the floor. The wallpaper was ripped and the roof was cracked, always seeming on the verge of collapsing. Sasuke wasn't afraid of haunted houses, not anymore, after Itachi used his Sharingan thing to force Sasuke to relive that one night over…and over….

Sasuke shook his head, choosing to distract himself with the prospect of frightening Naruto even more. "Let's do the disappearing act now. We're almost a third through anyway." Sakura nodded. "You know how it goes…"

Naruto's head snapped up when he heard footsteps approaching. Oh, why had he dropped his weapons pouch somewhere back there? _Zombie. Ghost. Demon. Skeleton! _A thousand possibilities ran through his head as he scrambled to his feet, ready to fight—or run—from whatever was approaching.

"Relax, Naruto, it's only us," Sasuke said as he and Sakura stepped from the shadows. Naruto nearly fainted in relief. Sitting there alone had really taken something from him. Next time, he was so following them.

"Come on, I don't want to stay in here forever." Sakura headed down the path they'd come from. "This way leads to another three choices." After they were about 100 feet in, three hallways forked out again. All exactly the same. Flickering lights, dark future. Naruto shivered.

"The left one?" he asked timidly.

"We're going to split up this time. This is taking too long. If you find it, yell, and we'll come. Got it?" The kunoichi didn't wait for Naruto's assent and went down the right path.

Sasuke shrugged at Naruto's scared look. "You wanted left. I'm going center then. See you later, dobe." His blue shirt vanished, blending into the darkness perfectly.

Naruto stood still for a little, rooted to the spot. Sakura-chan! Sasuke-teme! All gone! A menacing feeling came from the left hallway, but even more threatening was the empty space behind Naruto. Making a split decision, he fled into the left corridor, instantly regretting it.

Oh God. Oh God. Anything could come from him either way. If Naruto was on a _mission_, a _real mission, _this wouldn't be a problem. But this was…supernatural! And he couldn't sense _supernatural-ness! _He inched along the wall, not touching the sticky wallpaper but keeping his back to it anyway. What if this was a dead end? What if it was a genjutsu again? Last time the genjutsu had seemed to go on forever! Being eaten alive by _plants…_

"Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

The shriek rang in Naruto's ears, and before he knew it, he was running for his life back toward the entrance of the hallway. "EEEE!" he screamed too. It was only when he got back to the entrance that he realized the scream hadn't come from _his _hallway. It had come from the direction of… "Sakura-chan!" he yelled, running toward Sakura's hallway. Sasuke skidded out from the center one and together they charged down Sakura's.

"Oh no," Naruto panted. "I knew we should've stayed together!" A slight 'hm' was his answer.

Naruto knew it was too late by the time they got to the end. A sick feeling entered him as he stared at the bubbling, slightly steaming pit of tar on the ground. "S…Sasuke? Sakura-chan didn't get…" Sasuke nodded grimly. Naruto gasped again. "W…what…."

Sasuke sensed a full blown panic attack coming barreling along, and quickly herded Naruto back toward the entrance. "Come on. My path was a dead end too, so yours has to be the only way out."

"B-but!"

"She'll be _fine_, Naruto. This isn't designed to be dangerous." Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I think."

"_Think!"_

It was just so much fun messing with Naruto, Sakura sighed, watching the two head toward the left tunnel again. She dispelled the invisibility genjutsu she'd cast and kicked the wall out. Too bad she couldn't stay and join the fun, but apparently Sakura had 'disappeared'…

* * *

><p>Sasuke deemed that it was an appropriate time to disappear too. Only this time he was pretty sure that Naruto wouldn't fall for the same old split-up trick. Good thing Sasuke had memorized the traps ahead of time—this one was a genjutsu. Leave Naruto with a clone and he'd never know. And Sasuke was just cruel enough to actually not dispel the genjutsu.<p>

Naruto was half-back to his normal self, chattering along. He was a lot more nervous than before though, always sticking to Sasuke's back. He sighed silently. It was probably a better thing that he was last to leave—he was a genius, so he would be able to find a way to get rid of Naruto.

And that he did.

The genjutsu was another one of those sinking ones, only this time the walls seemed to be closing in on them too. "Oh no, oh no," Naruto hyperventilated, screwing his eyes shut. He had learned that close your eyes and wait it out—and eventually the jutsu _would _go away. Eventually. After he was half scared to death, that is.

It was the perfect time to create a clone. Sasuke dispelled the genjutsu for himself, leaving Naruto and his clone standing stock still in the hallway. Now, how to get out? Go all the way back? Well, he figured that Sakura had gotten out somehow, so he'd go back to her corridor and check it out…

"Have fun," Sasuke called as he walked away without a backward glance. He briefly considered wagging his fingers at the blonde, but no, that wasn't something Uchihas did. Not manly ones. Uchihas could smile and even on occasion—gasp!—_laugh_, but Uchihas did not waggle their fingers. No matter what the temptation was. And it wasn't like Naruto could see him anyway.

Naruto stared in abject horror as Sasuke's head disappeared under the rolling carpet. "Sasuke!" he yelled, and suddenly found himself lying on the carpet, staring at the ceiling. Which was not a good idea, because the ceiling looked like it was going to fall on him. "Sasuke? Where are you?"

He gently eased himself up, glancing around. The blank wall in front of him held no answers, nor did the walls around him. Gingerly he stepped toward the entrance again, almost expecting the carpet to bubble and drag him down. _Ugh. _A bigger worry presented itself to Naruto.

"OH NOOOO! SASUKE'S BEEN KIDNAPPED TOOOO!"

Sasuke smirked as he exited from the hole, hearing Naruto's (very faint) scream.

Oh, he wished he could stay longer.

* * *

><p>Naruto was thoroughly and completely scared to death now. He must be getting close to the end, he knew (the only reason he'd kept going was for the <em>ramen<em>, and for his friends! Live for his friends!) because ghouls popped up from every twisting turn. Genjutsus grew more complex and frequently tried to strangle him. Zombies cropped up, ghosts flew down, and shadow-men (who looked oddly like Shikamaru) reached elongating fingers toward the scared ninja.

He was basically flat-out running now. Adrenaline was already pumping through his system and every time a particularly scary creation popped up, he felt like his heart would thunder out of his chest. "Pleaaaase ramen god! Let me live just now!" Naruto pleaded as he ran headlong down a center corridor. It branched off into three, and Naruto picked the center. Wrong! "Let me have one more bowl of ramen! Then I can die! _Just one more raaaaammeeeeeen!" _His voice echoed as he fell down into a cave pit. There was suspiciously slimy _bodies _moving around under Naruto, and he stared, horror in his face, as snakes wound themselves around him…pulling him down… _under…_

"AAAAH!" he shrieked, finding himself on the floor. _Stupid genjutsus! _Had that been how Sakura and Sasuke had felt? Only…theirs had been _real. _Real traps! How long till Naruto found one? Or…the thing at the end, waiting for him. What if it had been a blessing to fall into a trap earlier? It would at least save him from facing the terrible thing at the end, wouldn't it?

Naruto ended up running anyway. Face it! Face it! Then he'd get to leave.

That was when he ran into a person.

OW! Naruto rubbed his nose before realizing that it was… _a person. _In front of him. Standing there…like a zombie. ZOMBIE! He shot back a few feet, carefully getting to his feet. "W—who are you?" Stupid voice! Quit squeaking!

The person didn't answer. They seemed to be doing something in their hands. Naruto considered the options. Well, he _was _the dobe. Naruto edged around to face the potential attacker/potential ally.

Well, it was definitely a foe!

_It was eating Naruto's ramen._

Don't ask him how he knew it was his ramen, but it was! His own special ramen, stored away in the fridge. He'd gotten the chef from Ichiraku's to give it to him as a gift for visiting the stand so often. (I.e., every day) The person had no features, which might've disturbed Naruto a minute ago, but now he was just angry. And terrified. "How dare you eat my ramen? Do you like intruding on other people's stuff? Tell me!" he commanded. Never mind that it wasn't really possible for a shadow to eat ramen, let alone his ramen that was at _home. Safe. _

Naruto wasn't being the most reasonable right now.

The shadow didn't answer. It just kept on slurping and slurping. He could only stare in dismay as the last bit of broth was drained and emptied. "Nooo," he moaned. "My ramen!"

"I'm your worst nightmare," the shadow finally said in a voice like hissing fire and cracking ice. In a voice weirdly similar to the Kyuubi's, actually. "Your own imagination is against you here. Whatever you think, I can turn it against you! Defeat me, and you can pass. Fail, stay here forever and watch me eat _all _your noodles!"

"It's _ra-men_."

"Oh who cares? Just wait." The shadows started to recede, showing deathly pale skin…gold eyes… "You're scared of _me_, aren't you? Taking away Sasuke…" The voice was now Orochimaru's snake hiss. Naruto now stared in revulsion and confusion.

"You were _Orochimaru _the whole time?"

"No!" The shadows crept back up to mask the snake sannin's face. "I'm your worst nightmare! Defeat me and you pass."

Naruto was quiet for a bit, contemplating. "…You know you said that already, right?"

The shadow made an exasperated noise. "Okay, look, this is stupid. Who wants to be in here stuck with _you _for eternity?" He muttered something like "I don't know how …dragged me into here…watching clouds…" The shadow waved a hand.

The last thing Naruto saw before the blackness set in was a massive ball of green rolling toward him.

The last thing Naruto heard before he heard nothing at all was the (very strange) sound of someone yelling, "YOSH! Leaf hurricane!"

The last thing Naruto felt was being pummeled into the ground by some very strong hands. If he was smarter, he might have noticed they felt suspiciously like Neji's Eight Trigrams.

The last thing Naruto thought was… (predictably):

_HUH?_

* * *

><p>Light shone on his eyelids. He could see the bright light throug them before something covered them up—a shadow? Was he in heaven? Did they have ramen in heaven? <em>Oh please, <em>he silently prayed. If there wasn't ramen in heaven...he'd just have to kill himself all over again! Naruto would just have to check, then.

He cracked open an eyelid gingerly …to see Kakashi's face staring at him. "Wah!" he gasped. Okay. Not heaven.

"Glad to see you're awake, Naruto," Kakashi answered pleasantly. Naruto sat up quickly.

"Kakashi-sensei? What are you doing here…?" Images abruptly flooded back to him, of collapsing on the grass and yelling for help. "Where's Sakura-chan? And Sasuke? Are they okay? They got eaten or something! Oh! They're probably still _in there! _What do we do? Whatdowedo? I don't wanna go back in…but we have to save them!" Naruto was almost pulling out his hair when Sasuke spoke.

"You're so loud, idiot."

Naruto stared in shock at Sasuke, mouth hanging open. "Sasuke?.!"

"I'm here too," Sakura said. Her words might've given off an air of being annoyed, but her face was open and laughing. "You're so funny, Naruto!"

Naruto was befuddled. What was going on? Okay, so they were here…but how? "Eh?"

Kakashi-sensei smiled his curving-eye smile. "They're fine."

"You guys!" Naruto decided to feel grateful. Questions later. He flung himself at them, but the two were too fast and slid back, making Naruto land on the dirt with an 'oomph' sound. He recovered quickly, looking up with a face smeared with mud. "You're okay!"

"Told you it wasn't dangerous."

"I did it though! I get to have ramen now, right?" Naruto grinned eagerly, the smile slowly fading when he noticed Sakura and Kakashi starting to snicker. There was a sound that didn't belong there mixed in…_Sasuke? _WAS LAUGHING?

That was when he _knew _something was up. Sasuke didn't smile. He didn't laugh either. It was just…not-Sasuke. "What's going on?" he demanded.

"You're not getting any ramen," Sakura explained. Which didn't really explain anything, but still. Naruto felt his eyes bug out.

"What? That's my reward! For going through that thing! Tsunade-baa-chan said she'd give that to me if I completed the mission!"

Sasuke sighed, leaning back. "You guys can explain. It was funny, but I'm done now."

Kakashi-sensei eyed Sasuke before turning to Naruto. "Let's make this concise, Naruto. There. Was. No. Real. Mission."

…

"Haaaah?"

"Naruto!" Sakura punched him in the head again. "Quit being so dense!"

"You know," Sasuke said from the grass, "he might be that way because you punch him so much."

Sakura flamed red, which contrasted nicely with her pink hair and dress. "S-Sasuke-kun!"

Kakashi ignored the other two, focusing on the (what looked like) choking-on-air blonde. "Whaddya mean, Kakashi-sensei? It wasn't a …real….mission?"

Everyone's eyes were focused on Kakashi as he smiled pleasantly once more. "It was a joke."

…

Silence reigned again as everyone was riveted on Naruto now. He had a variety of very amusing expressions play across his face—disbelief, anger, astonishment, more disbelief, more anger—and finally… He started laughing. Kakashi-sensei pulled out his book, figuring his part was done. He'd make Sasuke and Sakura tell him what happened later anyway. Sakura reached a hand toward Naruto, wondering if he was okay. Sasuke even deigned to sit up; that was how worried he was about their teammate.

"A JOKE?" Naruto's yell echoed around the backyard of the 'haunted house'. Sakura cringed, waiting for his accusations. Truthfully, she was a _little _guilty for scaring Naruto so much.

None of them expected Naruto to start rolling in the grass, still laughing like a freaking hyena.

"That was _priceless! _Ahahaha! Will that house stay up? Can I use it? I want to see Konohamaru try! Hahaha!" There were those anime tears streaming down his face. Kakashi put down his book a little before bringing it back up to his face. He'd lost this bet with Gai, it seemed. Oh well. They were tied now, anyway.

He stood up. "I'll be reporting to the Hokage, then. Mission, success." Naruto paused and stared at him, obviously wondering how in the world this could have been _a success. _"You learned a lot of things, Naruto. How it feels to be alone on a mission, all your teammates dead. How you need to keep going no matter what." Kakashi pocketed the book. "I hope you can remember those things, na, Naruto? Ja ne!"

Poof.

Naruto blinked. "Uh…"

"So, Naruto," Sakura teased, "how about you tell us what it was like for you?" Even Sasuke's eyes were alight with a faint interest.

"Well," Naruto began. "You see, I knew about it _all along…_"

"YOU LIAR!"

"Stop punching me, Sakura-chaaan! But I really _did_ know about it…"

"Idiot."

The blue sky, almost the color of Naruto's eyes, passed on above their heads, forever going on and on. Naruto grinned. He might've almost died today, but that didn't mean the rest of the day had to be a complete failure, right?

Right.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, back in his own apartment:<p>

"Heeeyyy! How come all my special Ichiraku ramen is _gone?.!_"

* * *

><p><strong>(1) Yes, in here, they have Halloween. <strong>

**I hope that made you laugh… Maybe not. It was meant to be a silly kinda thing anyway. Sooo I hope you had a good time reading it! ^-^ And please, remember, if you have time, review! Reviews are awesome. Now…Should I self-advertise my other fic…? Nah. If you wanna read it, go ahead. If you don't, sorry! **

**Thanks! XP Now I'll be going off and *gasp* disappearing for a week at some camp in the middle of nowhere...sob...**

**~gummybear1620**


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